How to Interrupt People (and Not Look Like A Total Jerk)
Photo By: Daniela Vladimirova
Have you ever been in a meeting where someone just keeps talking on and on about a topic that has nothing to do with the purpose of what the meeting really is about?
Have you ever had to listen to a customer (or maybe a friend) who kept talking in circles about some issue, and it seemed like they would never stop venting?
Today I want to share with you a tip for how you can interrupt them and still preserve the relationship.
No, I’m not going to tell you to look them square in the eyes and shout “stop saying words” – that’s not going to preserve the relationship (though the results might be entertaining).
So how can you stop an endless venting cycle or get a conversation back on track?
Try this:
“Just a moment, I want to make sure I understood what you said…” “Correct me if I’m wrong, but what you’re saying is…”And then just repeat back to them, in their own words, what you’ve heard them say.
This will short-circuit a potential endless cycle of venting, reduce the escalation of frustration, and at the same time, demonstrate a really powerful fact: you’ll prove to them that you really have been listening, and that you understand what it is that they’re concerned about.
I first learned this technique while reading the book Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion. I would go as far as to say that Verbal Judo is a must have book for anyone who deals with conflict or high stress situations when communication is important.
Jon, those are great techniques for interrupting someone who won’t shut up. To be honest, I struggle with interrupting and speaking up when others are talking. It always seems so rude to me. These are a couple of sayings I’ll have to keep in my conversation belt.
I’m with you Joe – I prefer to hear people out, but every now and then there comes that moment where we need to step in, break the cycle, and move forward to solving the real issue.
I’m glad you found value here!
One of my biggest pet peeves is being interrupted, especially by a third party butting into a conversation.
A technique that I’ve used more and more often, is asking, “but have you thought about it this way…” and spell out an alternative point of view. I’ve found that I can diffuse a tense situation by showing not only that I understand, but that there could be a reason for the behavior causing frustration.
I do think I’m a fan of “stop saying words” though, ha.
Covey talks about “seeking first to understand, then to be understood.” By listening and understanding, you are able to “earn” the right to suggest additional viewpoints. The key is demonstrating you understand before proceeding – thanks Ellory!
These active listening techniques really do work, Jon – I use them all the time. It helps me to pause and make sure I really do understand – and gives immediate feedback to the speaker that I care about what they have to say. Sometimes people keep talking because they don’t think anyone is really listening.
You are so right Tom, we tend to repeat when we feel misunderstood. Once you show me that you really get my point, I have no need to keep going on.
Thank you so much for commenting.
As soon as I began reading this post, I immediately thought of two specific situations this would have been helpful in. Thanks for the great tips, Jon!
Nick, thank you for stopping by! I hope they can serve you as well as they have helped me navigate difficult conversations.
‘Stop saying words’ – a phrase that would be so tempting to experiment with. Nice tip though. I’ve known more than one scenario where trying to be delicate and firm at the same time has been a tricky thing to navigate.
I think the trick to pulling off “stop saying words” is to speak it as if you are about to have a nervous breakdown. Maybe a little flailing of the arms as well.
You are absolutely right about how challenging it can be to navigate those situations where we have to maintain composure, yet firmly achieve results – what have you found to be successful?